Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
