he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
