i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
