i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
