I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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