i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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