Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
