She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
