I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
