it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
