the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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