I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
