there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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