So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
