You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
