I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize