The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
