Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
