omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
