Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
