you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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