I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
