his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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