why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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