Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
