So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
