I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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