Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
