is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
