In America we eat man semen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
