I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
