we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
