Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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