You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
