Kiss
Puke
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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