i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
