rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize