forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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