Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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