why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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