Please, let me fuck your mom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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