I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
