idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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