Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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