I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize