got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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