i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
