Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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