guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
