I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
