On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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