O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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