I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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