i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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