So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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