Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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