I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
