Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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