so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize