im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
