I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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